Jenks’ blog

A sure-fire nominee for Chump of the Year award came last week in the form of leader of the Muslim Council of Britain with his suggestion that Britain was in danger of becoming a state similar to Nazi Germany in the 1930's, that stoning people was fine in certain situations and that all British people should adopt Muslim customs such as arranged marriages.

The ill-conceived rant by Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari on the eve of Remembrance Day left me incensed and will just serve to increase tension in this country, not along racial lines but ideology, after all that’s what fundamental Islam is, and the irony seems lost on Dr Bari that both Islamism and Nazism have very similar traits; predudice, intolerance and barbarism.

I started penning my thoughts on his propaganda but found a rational and intelligent response to this rather odious human being on here. Apparently Dr Bari is an educated individual but I suggest he goes back to university and takes a history course before making such ludicrous claims again, and how about a diversity course to get an understanding of other people's cultures rather than trying to force us all down the road of Islam?!

When I first saw this movie I dropped my bacon sandwich and rolled around on the floor laughing.

Now we all know Silvio Berlusconi is a bit mad, from comparing himself to Napoleon and then Jesus in the space of a week through to comments like “Chinese Communists used to eat children”, but this video immediately had me thinking “He didn’t, did he!?”.

Maybe it was because of his unpredictability I considered for a moment this might be real but alas after a bit of investigation this clip was taken from the German film Bye Bye Berlusconi.

This video is a very graphic illustration that getting drunk and larking around by a swimming pool just don't mix.

But I guess I'd be a bit hypocritical telling anyone to do otherwise as we've all been there, just not with quite such tragic consequences. :-)

My heart sank when I read that classic gangster flick The Long Good Friday has been green lit to be given a 'refresh', or an American slanted overhaul. The alarm bells immediately start ringing when you hear the movie is being transplanted from London to Miami and get deafening when you realise the writing / directorial task has been given to Paul WS Anderson – he of Alien Vs Predator and Soldier tosh, and does anyone remember Shocking….sorry Shopping?! And how will they top a memorable score by Francis Monkman in the original? I doubt a mixture of sports metal and rave music will really have the same impact.

Quite what this reworking might include is anyone’s guess but with the track record of Mr Anderson you can probably expect the ruining of a perfectly good storyline…one things for sure, as Hollywood doesn't do realistic films that often the ending is bound to be different... let’s see now…

Vin Diesel plays a prosperous US gangster, who is about to close a lucrative new deal when bombs start showing up in very inconvenient places. A mysterious syndicate (Al Qaeda) is trying to muscle in on his action, and Vin wants a piece of em as all mayhem ensues. With the uniting of the traditional warring factions of Miami’s underworld under Vin’s leadership the threat of global terrorism is destroyed...yadda, yadda....

As fearsome East End underworld boss’ Harry Shand would say:
“Hollywood remakes?! I shit em!”

Another day and another example of how the implementation of the Human Rights Act in UK judicial system is betraying law abiding citizens. Learco Chindamo, a convicted murderer from Italy, has successfully fought off deportation when his sentence is up on the grounds it would breach his human rights.

How ironic that an act introduced post WWII to protect people against the type of horrid crimes perpetrated by the Nazi regime is actually now being used to the advantage of thugs and murderers. As the widow of murdered Phillip Lawrence asked – what about her family’s rights? Or her husbands rights? The article cited as a breach of Chindamo's human rights is in direct contradiction with other articles in the act that stipulate the right to life, so go figure.

This is just the latest example of a nanny state and politically correct environment which is damaging the basic fabric of society in this country, not just by the current government but by numerous spineless politicians – supposedly Conservative leader David Cameron is even urging us to embrace hooded thugs rather than give them a good slap… probably because he’d end up in court on a human rights violation. If Tony Blair is wondering about his legacy he need look no further than the debacle in Iraq and the unravelling of social responsibility and accountability here.

Yesterday I witnessed first-hand how ordinary people are being terrorised by scum who are running the rule. A couple of retards riding shotgun on a bike were in front of me at a junction and pulled out into the busy road right into the path of a car. The OAP driving managed to brake in time but was only inches away from turning the two sgrotes into rag dolls.

So what happened next? An apology from the idiots? The hoodies got off the bike and then came the full expletive tirade against a terrified pensioner and his elderly wife. At one point the thugs even went for the door to try get the poor old fella out of the car. As usual everyone stood around shocked at the scene but did nothing, which isn’t really surprising considering the spate of murders recently when people have intervened in social disorder.

It's little wonder why there’s been an increase in outward migration in recent years - 385,000 people left Britain last year, nearly 50,000 more than previous year and highest number since records began in 1991.
Record number of people leave UK

Some more UK policing idiocy:

Send in the KFC and cigs!!
No shoes allowed, or pre-dawn raids, or search dogs....

A return to the White Isle after a years absence proved to be another stormer, but for a different reason to past years with us having a nice relaxing time in glorious sunshine, beautiful surroundings and quality food, and not getting out of my tree once.

 

Things didn’t get off to the best of start with ETA putting a bomb in Ibiza airport just after we arrived, so on the first night we got moved to a different hotel as the people in our room were delayed leaving. But Hotel Osiris made up for it by giving us massive family rooms and a 60 euro bar tab as a sorry – top marks to the management!

 

The hotel was at the start of San Antonio Bay on the shores of Es Puet beach, the scene of many previous holidays and many infamous incidents – eh Snoop?! With a good mix of families, youngsters and our “in between” age there was a good chilled out atmosphere.

 

As usual the weather was stonking and made all the more special considering the non-existent summer we’ve had.

 

Highlight of the holiday was probably a trip to Pacha for Eric Morillio’s Subliminal Sessions – I was a little apprehensive about going as I thought it would just be instantly forgettable US house but was pleasantly surprised to hear more edgy techie choons. Hed Kandi at El Divino was fun but I think the club's a bit overrated.

 

Predictably the holiday soundtrack included Hed Kandi’s lastest Beach House offering but other jems that peppered the week were surprisingly rocky in the form of The Gossip, Charlotte Hatherley and CSS.

 

I really look forward to returning again some day.

The last couple of weeks have just flown by in between work and trips to the doctor - I’m still on anti-biotics as the first lot failed to cure my infected elbow and I’ve been put on the antidote for Anthrax so if anything will kill it that should.

We fly out to Ibiza tomorrow night and I’ve barely thought about packing so the next 24 hours is probably going to be manic. Two lots of friends have been out there in recent weeks and reports are that things are as brilliant as ever, despite a massive police crackdown on some of the clubs – even forcing the temporary closure of Bora Bora beach bar and super-club Amnesia.

My illness ruined the pre holiday preparation due to the pain and lethargy but I managed to lose 12 pounds so I guess that can’t be sniffed at - my 19 pounds in 30 days target was a little overambitious and probably not particularly healthy.

The six pack will have to wait a bit longer to reveal itself…

Eivissa aquí nosotros venire!!

(thanks to The Treadmeister for photos from earlier in the month)

Ah well my plans for entering Mr Olympia have been well and truly scuppered - Ronnie Coleman, Jay Cutler et al can breathe a sigh of relief that The Incredible Bulk is injured once again.

What began as a rather innocuous bump on my left elbow, having carelessly walked into a door frame (no I hadn’t been drinking) suddenly started burning and swelling five days later which quickly turned into agony in the bone of the joint. After an initial misdiagnosis in A&E I finally got to the root of the matter with my GP at the start of the week and I have an infection called Cellulitis.

I really should have been a little more cautious after the initial knock as I did manage to split the skin, if only very slightly there was enough blood for common sense to tell me the wound should have been cleaned and dressed. But being a man I thought adhesive plasters were for whusses and continued to expose and reopen the gash - hence, in the Doc words “bacteria could have infected your elbow from anywhere”.

Anyway, I’m now on a course of anti-biotics and haven’t trained for a week and a half so my holiday weight target has gone right out the window. A lesson learned - cover up them cuts, even if you do end up looking like a fancy dress Nelly, it's better than some parasitic organism having your flesh for tea.

Having suffered with a rotator cuff injury to my right shoulder since February it looks like my right knee wants to play silly buggers now. Just as my summer training plan starts to come together my body fires another shot across the bow as my knee suddenly swells up without any warning.

I’ve always had to be cautious training my legs having suffered a catalogue of problems including medial ligament tears, cartilage tears and more seriously 3 anterior cruciate ligament reconstructions. That's along with broken ribs, toes, wrist and both shoulders. Taste the pain!

So having tempered the shoulder problem I set myself the rather daunting task of attempting to lose 13lbs in 30 days, which would take me down to a lean, mean 13 1/2 stone and the best conditioning of my life.

The week ended positively having lost 4lb since Monday with the target looking to be within the realms of possibility. But I guess I was pushing things to the limit with 6 sessions of HIT/Interval cardio and an anaerobic leg workout at the end of the week. Things were fine then out of nowhere Saturday night my knee filled with fluid and things began to seize up.

Using a combination of ibuprofen, voltarol gel, glucosa cream, ice packs and elevation I’m hoping things will calm down quickly so I can resume the cardio, but in light of this I’ll probably have to review my target at the end of the week. Booo!

As another trip to the White Island beckons I’ve begun rifling through my music collection to dig out a few past musical gems, of which Café del Mar's Real Ibiza series has to be the most successful in capturing an alternative side of the island to the debauched hedonism.

Ibiza has been known for its boozed up chavs publicly disgracing themselves thanks to Sky One’s Ibiza Uncovered some years ago, but for anyone with an ounce of class who’ve been then the real spirit of the island isn’t hard to be found if you just steer clear of the usual slew of bars commonly found in most popular resorts.

The “spirit” I talk about is actually quite a contradiction in that it can be either out and out hedonism with the best DJ’s and clubs in the world, or a relaxing / laidback time spent in beautiful surrounds with music to match. These albums are classics in projecting the latter and have quite clearly been put together with this in mind rather than strictly a commercial venture. The barrage of chill out albums since churned out by other labels don’t even come close.

Included are chill out legends such as former Café del Mar DJ’ Jose Padilla, A Man Called Adam, Coco Steel and Lovebomb, Ibizzare and Afterlife along with more obscure delights that you wouldn’t otherwise find such as Groove Armada’s remix of Language Labs’ Burning Disaster.

These albums really set things off for me so far as falling in love with the island, and having made pilgrimages there for the last ten years a listen evokes a tide of cherished memories.

This entry is dedicated to the friendships that have endured over the years, formed directly and indirectly through Ibiza, and long may they continue. Bless you all and heres to another adventure this summer!